Kaybee: “Mommy, where’s my Christmas present?” …..”it’s on Facebook!!”

        The biggest gift-giving time of year is coming up, and I’m starting to think that Facebook’s Gift application may have been their best app idea ever.  It was introduced in February, and the promotional gimmick used to kick it off was “Your first gift is free, and the money generated from any gifts you buy after that in February is donated to charity”.  After February, of course, Facebook kept all the money for itself.  And so far, they’ve sold over 24 million dollars’ worth of DESIGNER VIRTUAL ICONS.  $24 million!  On things that only exist on a computer screen!  What good is a puppy if you can’t play with it and take it on walks, I ask you?  And this craze doesn’t just exist on Facebook:  in other ‘virtual universes’ such as Second Life, Utherverse, and Stardoll your avatar (character) can buy gift certificates for other avatars to go shopping at a virtual mall.  So instead of going to buy those snakeskin cowboy boots for yourself, you can spend $15 for your make-believe self to have them instead.

            I mean, yes: it’s cute, funny and sort of a status symbol.  Every Facebook user knows that you have to pay actual money nowadays to give someone a gift.  So the more adorable, meaningful little icons you have on your profile, the more people love you and are willing to throw money away on you.  AND the more EVERYONE can see how much EVERYONE ELSE loves you. 

 

I admit it, I was a little sad when no one gave me a gift within the first month or so of the application coming out.  Everyone left and right was receiving Solo cups and Persian rugs and pieces of pumpkin pie and small naked ugly Troll dolls.  My profile remained devoid of fake gifts and I thought the entire world would take note of how uncool I was.  The popularity contest generated by this unexpected new application had me begging to be a part:

But finally I got a rose from one of my best friends and life was beautiful.  

 

One other cute clever thing they’ve done is to create “limited edition” gifts.  Yes, you can only buy 5,000 of those lime wedges before WHOOPS!  All gone.  Sold out.  You could try the Second Life branch if you want, but chances are you’re not going to find aaaaany more of that particular collection of pixels aaaaaanywhere else on the ‘net.  DAMMIT, now what am I going to give Tommy for Christmas?  (A REAL lime, perhaps?)

(Now, I’m not sure why anyone would spend a dollar on that small translucent ball of whatever in the third row.  I don’t even know what it is….It could be a crystal ball….or a pearl…..or a spit bubble…..)

 

The thing that freaks me out the most is that I’ve actually heard people talking about giving Facebook gifts for Christmas.  Instead of going to an actual store, and putting real effort into showing someone you love them for the holiday season, you’re clicking a button.  Shopping is becoming a chore instead of a joy.  You should want to brave the crowds and fight off  roving hordes of zombie shoppers just so you can come home, worn and battle-scarred, proclaiming your dedication and victory after a long war.  No one has FUN shopping for Christmas anymore.  More emphasis is being put on a made-up virtual world, clicking buttons in an endorsement of “It’s the thought that counts” instead of putting actual time, money, and effort into the spirit of ChristmaHanuKwanzaaKah.  Kids, don’t sell out to the big bad Facebook.  Buy people real gifts.  They’ll like them more, I promise.