the key joke of my adult life

new joints.

algorythms remixes

DIRT

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS

love, esh.

absolutely. – enhanced for blind joe

it’s my last night in miami

.i shit you not, it said "oy gvalt".

we’re all too good at our jobs, and i volunteered to go home early

got shit to take care of, nahimean?  plus:

.i hate the "art" here.

don’t get me wrong, it’s incredibly beautiful here.  hot as hell, but that’s why old people move here.  to be warm.  it’s like the air is hugging me, because my grandkids never visit.  i was a good jewish grandson, and visited my grandmother in boca; of course, while i was down here.  more on that in a minute.  first, irony:

.too easy.

matlack and i went out for indian food the other night.  we sat down and ordered, i got chana masala, which i love to death.  i said “oh man this looks great”  and this INSANE MAN with red framed glasses to match his red pocket square (or vice versa?) came over and tackled my peripheral vision with his crazy head and said “IT IS GOOD, IT’S THE BEST THERE IS, YOU MUST EAT IT WITH FOOTBALL BREAD, AND ALSO, IT’S FREE!”  then he walked away, as he was heading back toward the kitchen he made a point to turn around and say “IT’S FREE FOR ME, BUT NOT FOR YOU”

turns out, the maître d’ was the uncle of a kid i went to high school in new jersey with, named raul.  he was our server.  in fucking miami.  i recognized him, and when matlack and i were exiting the restaurant he asked if i was from jersey, i said “I FUCKING KNOW YOU” and i was right.

.small world full of crazy people and odd words that seem to mean other words that mean "thing that holds boobs" but really doesn't.

.i never learned how to frame a shot.

.palm trees play volleyball with the moon.

.the lakers are allowed to win IFF i'm allowed to drink.

last night after work and dinner i sat down at the bar with some colorful older gentlemen and got drunk and yelled at lebron james about being a pedophile (which matlack informed me can be properly spelled 3 different ways, what on earth possesses someone to possess this fact is beyond me, but hey, now i know it, and now you do too) and i got ready to go see grandma today.

nana and i went to a place called the sweet tomato for lunch.  it’s a fucking enormous salad bar.  “your mother said you’re a vegetarian now?  we go to salad bar”  we gorged.

.look at all this beautiful food h/t joe/edan.

then she showed me around her old people development.  we went to their crazy huge rec center (15 fucking card rooms, a 1200 seat movie theater, indoor pool, and a gym that rivals anything in boulder, i shit you not) and i found this:

¿how do you spell microfische?

which nana, being 85 years young, thought was a computer.  it looks like it belongs in a dharma hatch on THE ISLAND.  i had never heard exactly what happened to her during the war; she lived in Lodz, Poland, where the ghetto was.  they fenced her family in.  these people are her parents:

her father died of cancer 6 weeks before the germans came.  she said it was for the best.  i suppose i agree.  i’d go into the whole thing, but i haven’t yet taken it all off the voice recorder yet, and it’s a little heartbreaking.  i try to keep the tenor of this thing pretty upbeat generally; and i think i’ll lose the little audience i have and gain a whole other i don’t want if i start pontificating about the holocaust.

.generationsandgenerationsandgenerations.

on that note; out

things is good.

wednesday

travelling can be excruciating.

exhausting.

lonely.

and uncomfortable.

but i have finally figured out the secret to sleeping.  this may sound like a no-brainer to anyone else, but i’ve been struggling with insomnia for a very long time, and i’ve finally beaten it.  it was especially bad in hotels, busses, airplanes; anywhere but my own bed, or silvia’s.  but i am in fact blissfully asleep minutes after i go to bed now.  the secret?

TURN IT OFF

the tv, the computer, the music, the lights, the hard drive, the air conditioning; anything electronic.  just kill it.

i used to lie (lay, leigh, lei?) down and be completely unable to turn my brain off, within 3 minutes i’d put some music or boring crap on tv, or even read a book.  it all just keeps my brain going.  i found that if i just go to bed, turn it all off, and breathe for a few minutes, before i know it i’m in dreamland and everything is great.

i have dreams now too!

sometimes objects in real life seem like they're too odd to actually exist

but we’re having a lot of fun now.  we went to the Bass Art Museum to see what miami had to offer for aesthetics with airconditioning.

joe coleman is nuts

saw this guy’s stuff for the first time.  it’s nuts and i love it.  i didn’t see this partiular painting, but the security guard started giving me shit about having my camera out, so i couldn’t take a shot/find on google the one i saw and fell in love with.  you get the idea.

reniassance/schmenniasance

this was called "evil david" i think

glow

i hated Miami the last time i was here.  and it’s already getting way hotter than it was a week ago.  but one week down, i’m here until may 29th, and i’m going to enjoy it if it burns off every single skin cell i have

there's a kosher/cuban pork war going on in the streets

Distance makes the heart go bonkers.

Miami is strange. I will be here for three weeks. Here’s some eye candy.

i have very little idea what i'm being sold here, perhaps, Obama flavored Pepsi?

the whole fucking city looks like this

ILL engrish en Miami

i really miss her.

Boulder i can live without, in fact, i’m (finally) making the jump from Boulder to Denver in August of this year.

but she lights me up.  i was in Kentucky for the last two weeks, and now i’m in Miami for the next three

i actually flew home just so i could see her for two days

we went hiking, i met her french friend

we had a picnic, i was made to feel guilty about being an american

but i don’t care, i love america

and her.

there is a serious stray cat issue in Miami

they’re everywhere, and adorable.

i can haz home plzkthx?

apparently what is done about this is: they pick them up, give them shots, spay and neuter them, clip their ear, and put them back down to be feral.  some of these kitties are really young, 1 or 2 years at the most.  i don’t for the life of me understand why they don’t just get a building, put them in cages, and give them to residents for a small enough donation just to keep the place running.  it really seems ridiculous to have all of these cats everywhere, when it could easily be remedied by little extra effort and as a boon to the community, families, and government.  i mean, there are PLENTY of single women in Miami, and as we all know:

single chicks love pussy

i can’t sleep in hotels.  even if they give me two beds, which is fucking ridiculous, neither one is comfortable

this hotel also has a “pillow bar”

feel free to choose from 4 of the shittiest, least comfortable nighttime head accessories available!

i don’t know what the hell it is.  i always have trouble sleeping, but i’m doing everything right now.  eating correctly, running and working out every day.  getting sunstroke.  something’s gotta be able to put me into unconsciousness; and i’m unwilling to take a pill or powder to do so.  people sleep, as a matter of fact, fucking everything sleeps.

except me.

i’m about to embark (currently in beta testing) on the only long distance relationship that’s worth it.

there’s a really good chance she’ll be in france until she finds new romance or i learn how to dance

normally i don’t get this personal, and i intend to stop now.

Karma Systems

karma police

I have always believed in Karma in the strict sense, like Jains.

everybody relax, nazi swastikas go the other way.

Jains walk around with cheesecloth over their mouths for fear of inhaling airborne insects, and push a little broom in front of them for fear of stepping on a crawling critter. My Buddhism professor in college called them “Karmaphobes”, and whereas I’m not THAT crazy, I believe it fully.

I’ve been playing a lot of Fallout 3. It’s a wonderful game about America, specifically the DC metro area after the nuclear apocalypse. There are many choices to make in the game, like deciding whether or not you are going to blow up a town built around a live nuclear warhead.

If you’ll watch the video, you can see that right after the town explodes in the distance, a little icon appears in the top left corner, letting you know that you’ve lost karma. The karma system in the game is strict, if you steal a bowl of noodles from someone’s shack, your karma drops. If you hand a beggar a bottle of water, your karma increases. This effects how you are treated and regarded in the rest of the world; and I’ll stop talking about video games…..now.

I bring this up, because before I even played this game, this is exactly how I saw the world. Every day, we have a series of choices, make the right ones, and you’ll be rewarded. Attempt to shortcut, screw someone over, lie, cheat, or steal, and you’ll get yours, quickly, and evenly. If God is how he is described in the Old Testament, this makes sense what with the whole eye for an eye thing and whathaveyou. Even though reason rejects this very notion, that there is some sepulchered force embedded in every choice and every deed, punishing the evil and rewarding the good; I like it, and I live this way.

Years ago I made a pact to quit lying entirely. Cold turkey. This is harder than it sounds. Most people walk around all day considering themselves to be honest, forthcoming, secure, and self-aware; but try it for one day and I assure you that you will have far greater respect for truth tellers. Don’t embellish any of your stories, don’t make any excuses for screw-ups, don’t lie, at all, about anything, for one day–be aware of it. You will find, as I and anyone else who has accepted this challenge, that not lying is incredibly difficult. Here are some choice quotes from some of my favorite people on the subject:

“A lie can travel halfway around the world before the truth puts its shoes on” – Mark Twain

“If you once forfeit the confidence of your fellow citizens, you can never regain their respect and esteem. It is true that you may fool all of the people some of the time; you can even fool some of the people all of the time; but you can’t fool all of the people all of the time.” – Abraham Lincoln

“There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics” – Benjamin Disraeli

“The easiest thing about telling the truth is that you never have to remember anything” – Mark Twain

“Oh what a tangled web we weave,
When first we practise to deceive!” – Sir Walter Scott

and the icing on the cake:

“People never lie so much as after a hunt, during a war or before an election.” – Otto Van Bismarck

In politics lying is casual, habitual, and pervasive. There are two things that are wonderful about always telling the truth:

1) It becomes ridiculously easy to tell when others are lying.

2) Brutal honesty is met with simultaneous apprehension and respect.

The Office, believe it or not, has this great bit where Kelly is in confession, talking about her relationship with Daryl:

I had this same thing with cheating on exams in high school and college.  In high school, we had a veritable black market cheating ring going on.  A lot of the AP kids were doing each other’s homework, programming the test answers into their calculators, and taking adderall.  I did none of this, I was an honors student (which is less impressive than being an AP kid, but whatever, fuck you, at least I earned it).  And that’s the whole thing right there.  I’d rather get my own C than someone else’s A, and besides, if I look at your paper during an exam for an answer, that is a tacit admission that you’re smarter than me, and I will never concede that, even if it’s true, even if it means Yale or Harvard, and even if it’s a lie.

I got one C in my entire college career, and it was in a course called American Presidency.  Anyone who knows me will have their eyes bug out of their head and hit the screen immediately

took me forever to find, but this is apparently called Bug Out Bob

I got the C because during the final exam, two frat boy douche bag fuck heads were passing this huge binder between each other, with me caught in the middle.  The binder was wikipedia printouts of every president that they would bend over and leaf through.  This class was in a huge lecture hall, about 300 people, and there were TAs patrolling the aisles looking for something like this.  For fear of being accused of cheating with them, and for fear of getting my head squashed if I tattled, I simply brought my half-complete exam to my professor an hour into the thing, handed it to him, and told him I’d write an email to explain.  So I did, and the professor wrote back…..

Holy shit, Gmail is awesome, I just found the email I wrote, and the prof’s response:

> Prof XXXX,
>  i was a student enrolled in your american presidency class this semester.  i am writing this letter to
> you at 8:57am immedeately after the exam this morning.  i am the
> person who told you about the two people cheating during the exam with
> the outlines under their desks.  You told me that i did the right
> thing, and i firmly believe that, as i have never cheated on an exam,
> and i would rather fail than ever cheat.  I come to you with a
> request, which i deem fair, and i hope you do as well.  I finished the
> first essay without complicatoin, i answered the question to the
> fullest of my ability.  However, the second question, as you will
> notice upon grading my essay, is a mere page and a half.  I wasn’t
> able to complete the question not because of my lack of knowledge on
> the subject, but because i was extremely anxious and nervous about the
> two cheaters in my proximity.  The one was sitting directly in front
> of me and could have easily placed the blame on me if he was caught,
> as he was constantly pushing the papers back underneath his chair
> toward my personal space.  I was anxious and rushed out of the exam,
> because if the two knew i ratted them out, i’m sure i would face
> consequences of physical abuse, as these two people seemed extremely
> menacing, and are frankly, much larger than i am.  I am asking you to
> allow me to make up the second essay sometime, somehow.  I know this
> is a stretch, but i am doing this in honesty and desperation, as i
> know my second essay is not sufficient enough to even pass.  I didn’t
> sleep last night, and i stayed up all night reviewing my notes and
> studying from the Edwards and Wayne book, all to be rushed out of the
> exam by two cheaters who had not put honest effort into studying for
> your final exam.  Please give this consideration, and email me a
> response whenever you get a chance.  Thank you.

From the Prof

Don’t worry about your exam.  I’m sure you will do well.  I will
contact you again about the final.  Again, you did the right thing.

Prof XXX

Wow, I’m a twerp, but regardless, I did the right thing.  The professor, however did not.  He never contacted me about the final, didn’t let me take it over, and gave me a C as a final grade (one of those classes where the final exam grade = your semester grade).  Then he went back to Columbia and was never heard from again.  I feel like the sum total of the karma I garnered from that event alone allowed me to:

• get dean’s list every semester thereafter
• move to Colorado without a clue and find a job doing what i love and what i’m the best at
• major in Philosophy and not have anyone whack me over the head or kick me out of a job interview

So, all in all, it’s a wash, and that’s the idea.  It’s always a wash.  You can lie and cheat and steal and brace yourself for the consequences, or you can lead as noble a life as possible and reap the rewards, even if they sometimes come too late, or sometimes never at all.  If you put good into the world, it will come back, evil too.

From evolution’s cloth we sprang up clamored out the sea

and now we contemplate the mystery of what it is to be

and think therefore we are but then what happens at the end?

what happens at the end, is that we all happen to end.

coughing up garbage.

oh dear God.

it’s been a week since i’ve quit smoking.

Silvia and I went to Whole Foods and bought this thing:

the product name says it all

To say that they “work” would be weird, but since I haven’t been arrested/charged with a heinous crime yet, perhaps they are actually helping.  It’s hard to tell.

i got nerves of steel

and the urge to kill

since the day the earth stood still

Last night I watched Say Anything for the 3,000th time.

yall only get girls coz yall roid gobblers, esh stay swoonin with tunes like lloyd dobler

I’m a lot like Lloyd, except when I’m being a huge dick.

I wish I could be that nice all the time, generally I am; but my face hurts after too much smiling.

Not like Kevin, my intern turned office-mate at the Capitol.  Kevin has a perma-smile; unless it’s a perma-furrow.  Kevin has actually got to be the nicest person on the planet.  Here’s why:

this is kevin, see him smile and gesture.

Last year I made him do a lot of really boring crap, he never ever complained once, and did everything as if it were the most important task ever assigned to anyone.  Like he had the fucking launch codes.

Over the summer, he drove all the way from Fort Collins several times just to walk with me for the campaign.  Generally he brought a friend, but often he just made the trek so he could help me out.  I think i bought him a hamburger once to thank him.

Now, he’s got full-time at the capitol, making 10 measly bucks an hour, having to drive all the way from FoCo and spend 12 bucks parking every day.  Let’s do the math:

it’s about 63.7 miles from the general FoCo area to the Captiol.

Kevin drives a (2005?) Impala, getting about 32 MPG highway.  So, that’s 4 gallons of gas, a day, for the round trip.

Gas is hovering around $1.65/gal right now, so that’s about $6.50/day in gas, times 5 days = 33 bucks a week in gas.

$12/day to park = $60/week

overhead for Kevin working at the capitol = $93/week times 4 = $372/month

working full time, a legislative aide brings home about $1600/month after taxes, leaving Kevin with $1228/month to spend on, you know, survival.

The federal poverty threshold currently is 10,400/year, if this were a year round job (it’s not), Kevin would be about 4 grand over the FEDERAL POVERTY LEVEL.

He gets there early every single day, and stays late, every single day, and never, ever complains.

rock a nice suit

with a slight stoop

a white dude

who got more beats than dwight schrute

i am now one of those people who photographs his cat.

seven days without cigarettes, so i can be this beautiful forever.

I quit.

 

no more cigarettes.

 

back at the capitol.

 

mitch and i played with immortal technique last night

mark took pretty pictures.  more to come later.

I’m used to writing huge blocks of text, but mark’s tumblr is just about the best blog i read, and it’s because of it’s simplicity, and lack of huge blocks of text.  

Our (read: Mitch’s) new microphone came today.  

We’re very excited about it, going to re-record “moneybin” sometime this weekend.

The show last night was absolutely fantastic.  Easily the best we’ve ever played together, and perhaps the best I’ve ever played in my life.  The crowd felt us, the sound was good, our friends were there, and we made some FANS.

There is talk of summer tour, details coming not-so-soon.

Silvia took both of my cameras home last night, so I could George Costanza my way back into her general vicinity. 

It worked, I’m making tempeh sloppy joes tonight with rice, beans, and hopefully some asparagus.

No more meat for esh.  Not like my band is breaking up, I just stopped eating dead shit.  Here’s the best argument I’ve found for vegetarianism so far:

Further, being an enviro-democrat of sorts, it turns out that if we reduced our dependency on beef for food, the atmosphere would appreciate it, a lot.  

A 2006 United Nations report found that the meat industry produces more greenhouse gases than all the SUVs, cars, trucks, planes, and ships in the world combined. Greenhouse gases cause global warming, which studies show will increasingly lead to catastrophic disasters—like droughts, floods, hurricanes, rising sea levels, and disease outbreaks—unless we drastically reduce the amounts emitted into the atmosphere.

I’m not trying to convince you of anything.

I would just prefer that we all don’t go on like global warming is a hoax, or animals don’t have the same rights as you or I.  

That right thurr is a flaming pile of bull shit.

less jelly, more JAMS

you don’t care what i’ve been doing.

but if you do, it’s not much.

the election ended we won (bigtime), and i’ve got some work for the time being, so i can eat

but in the mean time, i’ll be posting a new jam a week or so

these are for “educational use only” meaning i “can’t clear the samples”

enjoy – Winterskin

GOTV

I will sadly be incommunicado until after November 4th.  I may or may not be keeping a private journal which i may or may not later post selections from.  If you know me, wish me luck.

 

let's do this shit.